Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
