Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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