well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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