why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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