My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
