I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
