Im at strip club and am horny
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
