Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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