it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
