this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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