Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
