dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
