I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
