party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
