Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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