but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
