Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
