Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
