First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
