i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
