he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
