when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
