its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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