Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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