You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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