My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
