yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
