Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
