He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
