U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
