I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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