Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
