Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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