I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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