Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
