four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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