Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
