I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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