Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
