Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
