Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
