I faked an abortion last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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