Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
