thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
