Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
