Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
