So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
