I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
