hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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