Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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