Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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