Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
