Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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