you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
