i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
