nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
