we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
