It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
