you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
