ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
