hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
