Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
