tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How naked do you want me to be?
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