I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
