non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize