my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he thought i was a dude.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
