Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
