there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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